Cheeky & PacmanNot one day is the same

I seriously couldn’t believe my eyes when I saw this today while waiting for my train to work, it’s my first day! :D Anyhoo, I was minding my own business waiting for the train when this rather heavily pregnant woman sat beside me. At first I really didn’t notice her at all until I saw her lighting a cigaratte!! @.@

I mean seriously!!! She was that heavily pregnant that if she went over a speed bump, she could seriously go into labour. She was that preggers. And what the heck was going through her mind to be smoking in this condition is beyond me. I had half a mind to tell her off that if she didn’t care that she died of lung cancer, have pity on the innocent child. Poor thing is not only getting unwilling poluted because he/she’s got a stupid cow for a mum, but also facing the potential of ending up an orphan if that cow gets lung cancer and dies on him/her!! And to top if off, she was polluting MY air space!! That’s just super unfair and selfish of the mum-to-be, imho.

I know of friends who have quit because they found out they were preggers. In fact, one of them totally gave up even after bub came along while the other one just went back to her old ways of clubbing and drinking after bub came along. That is another one I cannot understand…but who am I to judge right? Haiz, how people can be that selfish is beyond me la.

It’s now 11.12pm as I’m typing this post so it’s still a valid 2009 post. :) Who would have thought that 2009 would pass by so quickly, eh? Well, it has and now, like it or not 2010 will soon dawn on me in less than 1 hour.

For many years, NY has been just like any other day. Back home, we used to just open a bottle of liquor and drink ourselves [Mummy, Sis and I] silly after mass unless we were at a family party. I dare say that I have not celebrated NY outside my home like at a club or anything like that. And even if I have, perhaps it was just that once and I thought to myself, ‘Never again!’. *lol* There are many reasons why I prefer to stay indoors on Christmas/NY and all that. It’s simply because everything is ridiculously priced, superbly overcrowded and you can expect more drunk driving and road rage, as well as incrowd fighting. Of course these are all club related but then again, if you’re not home, then one would probably be out partying right?

I can’t blame age for this for I’ve felt this way for a long time. In fact, during my clubbing days, I used to go on Fridays because I hated the Saturday crowd. I went clubbing coz I love dancing and you can really dance as much as you want on Saturdays coz it’s super jammed packed! Friends always made me go on Saturdays but nup, Friday was my night out. :) I used to go after choir practice. *lol* Talk about a superb balance of partying and praying eh?

Ok, enough carrying on like an old lady. So what has 2009 been like for me? To be honest, most of it is pretty much a blur. After we got back from Malaysia after Christmas 2008, we were mostly just waiting for KR to arrive. I guess, the most exciting thing that happened to us was the arrival of Kathleen-Rose on 28/4. And perhaps the beginning of my current madness passion, sewing which began somewhere in February coz Ted bought me the sewing machine for Valentine’s Day. Talk about romantic presents eh? :P

And after that, it was just one day at a time. There were several other issues that need not be talked about but other than that, 2009 came and went, just like that. I am definitely looking forward to 2010 simply because we will be heading back home in May! :D What else could be more exciting????

Anyhoo, here’s hoping that 2010 will be more fruitful for you and may you be prosperous, both health and wealth wise. God bless!

Pix and info from Baby Centre.

As funny as it sounds, it is not. So, I’m 34 wks preggers and I feel absolutely HUGE. Even Ted told me today when I asked him if I looked huge. And surprisingly it seems to have happened overnight! Apparently, he thinks that this ‘expansion’ happens in subtle spurts which I totally agree with. One moment I don’t feel big enough and today, I can’t imagine growing bigger AND I have approximately 6 weeks to go!!! Anyways….back to my update :

What’s bubba been up to? Well, in general, it has been the same but the kicking and moving has definitely increased. 2 nights ago while winding down before going to bed, I was reading in bed and had my magazine resting on my tummy and Pacman must have been having hiccups coz my mag kept ‘jumping’! *lol* Looked hilarious to see my mag going all over the place. :P I was pretty sure it wasn’t kicking coz it was constantly n going on for awhile. Also, sometimes, I lie on the floor to rest while Arianna plays around me and when I’m on my side, I noticed that Pacman tends to kick the side that is against the floor as if to say, ‘Hey, I found a hard surface, I can stand!!’ and she does her thing. Really bizarre but I still haven’t got anything on video yet. :( Now, Baby Centre says :

Your baby now weighs more than 4.7 pounds/ 2.2 kilograms and is 18 inches/ over 45 centimetres from top to toe. She’s filling out and getting rounder — she’ll need her fat layers later to regulate her body temperature.

If you don’t already talk to your baby, this is a good time to start — at 35 weeks her hearing is fully developed. Don’t feel ridiculous if you’re already chatting in baby talk. Some evidence shows that newborns pay closer attention to high-pitched tones. [Ted talks to Pacman more often than I do so I won't be surprised if she immediately takes to him. ;)]

What’s happening to Mum? Other than feeling like an absolute beached whale, I had a rather scary day yesterday. Ted left for a short shift at 2.30pm. I had such a craving for coffee that I just caved in and made one around 12.30pm. Having that mug made me full hence I put off lunch till about close to 2pm. After lunch, I had a slight tummy but didn’t think much of it and by 2.30 just after Ted left, I was slightly concerned. I did end up on the throne once but it wasn’t something out of the norm, the only difference was that my tummy was actually aching. So I thought that since I cleared out, things should be better but it didn’t quite work that way. So I decided to take a rest at about 3pm and after 1/2hr of trying to nap, it was impossible as the pain was getting worst. I was beginning to freak out a little but tried to keep my cool. I also began to feel a little sick and felt like throwing up. Took my assam [preserved lime skin] but that didn’t quite work and soon after, I actually did throw up thinking that at least, that would make me feel better. And I think for just a brief moment, it did.

All this time, I was sms-ing Ted to keep him informed about what’s happening. At one point, it was quite bad and since Ted couldn’t get a replacement for his work, he told me to call the ambulance but I felt absolutely silly doing that so I didn’t coz I felt that this wasn’t an emergency per se and decided to stick it out till 6pm when he would be on his way back. I had the option of calling an ambulance OR my MIL. 15 minutes later, I caved in and called MIL – it was that bad. And within 1/2 hr she was at my place and meanwhile, I tried to clear the house [while in pain, yes...silly, I know but my MIL is a clean freak and I felt uneasy with her coming in and my house in a mess] but gave up half way. I really thought that this was it although at the back of my head, I knew that it was contractions.

But I did my breathing and rocking from side to side anyway, JUST IN CASE, and praise God, Arianna wasn’t fussing about and it’s amazing what a bowl of grapes can do to a toddler, more so when she is not really being 100% supervised! *lol* Actually, I think she did great! She had her grapes and the TV was on, she was in her perfect world while I was trying to keep cool and not stress out. So many thoughts were running through my mind and I think that just made the pain much worst.

Finally MIL arrived and while we decided what to do coz I really didn’t want to call the ambulance, we decided to call my GP and turns out that based on what I explained my symthoms were, it was more likely a gastro bug than anything else. And I think it was because I had my MIL there, the stress was less hence, the pain begain to subside and by the time Ted arrived home about 6.30pm or so, I was 65% better. Although the pain was still there, it was nothing compared to when I was all by myself with Arianna. I definitely say it’s the stress that made things worst. The thoughts I had running in my mind is not worth thinking about but I can honestly say that damn, I’m so going to finish packing my hospital bag, Arianna’s bag as well get my Swiss ball all pumped up and ready! Gosh, we’ve got to get that 2nd baby seat installed too….haiyolar! Anyway, that night, Ted stayed home with us and also the whole of today, it was such a pleasant change as he did the cooking, some cleaning and attended to Arianna for the day. I even managed to sleep for 1.5hrs this afternoon without a worry! :)

I know 34wks is a little early to make an appearance and I pray that it doesn’t happen till at least 38wks, BUT it can and I am not willing to take the risk of going through that stress again. Anyway, Baby Centre says this about me :

If you’ve been nervous about going into premature labour, you’ll be happy to know that 99 per cent of babies born at week 35 can survive outside the womb — and most have no major problems. [I would rather not take the risk, thank you!] Although your baby’s central nervous system is still maturing, her lungs are nearly fully developed by now.

Many women start to notice a tingling sensation or numbness in the pelvic region or pain as they walk. This may be caused by the pelvic joints loosening, ready for labour. [This must be the feeling I've been having almost every morning. It's damn sickening!]

So as I’m posting about this, Ted is back at his night shift and I am pretty much 98% ok, I do get the occasional pain but, I know it’s nothing and just the stomach getting back into shape. I had toast for most of my meals yesterday and today, and lots of water so maybe that is also helping. Seems to be some bug that is going around now…and since I haven’t been sick for some time *touch wood, touch wood*, I forgot how awful one feels like after throwing up. Uugghhh!!! My sympathy to all the women who suffer from morning sickness, it is something that I would never curse anyone with!

Perhaps I’ve had it with being a SAHM. And most likely than not, I miss working. Having been a working woman for as long as I can remember, I really miss my independance, both personally and financially.

There are many blessings being a SAHM as you watch your child grow and develop before your very eyes but I guess when I live the way of life the I have been living, it may have contributed to the way I am feeling at this moment. The feeling that I’ve lost myself along the way. I don’t blame anyone but myself for the situation that I am currently in eg. making excuses for not taking Arianna to any playgroup or meeting up with other mums. In fact, I have my excuses to tell you right now : 1. Arianna is normally asleep during those playgroup times [at the time] and 2. I don’t have my own transport to get to mothers groups to meet with other mums. In reality, I had no desire to step out of the house and while I was attending the mothers group for newborns, I really didn’t find it beneficial at all. I felt kind of left out being a foreigner and all. I was among the 2 non Aussies there and I bet the other mum [Nigerian I think] felt just as left out as well. Although they were all friendly to a certain degree, you could see that no one really wanted to continue the friendship outside the class, at least not with me despite all of us living close by. That is the whole point of having mothers group and playgroups. MIL tried to get me into a few but when your heart is not there, no amount of advice or talk is going to get you doing it.

Hence, I’ve decided that once Pacman stops breastfeeding, I will go back to work. It doesn’t need to be a permanent job but would be a bonus if it was, but most importantly, it need to be flexible enough to fit into Ted’s work schedule as we both have no desire to send our kids to daycare/childcare. That would totally defeat the purpose of me going back to work. With me back at work, either temp or casual, it would give me back some sense of independance as well as giving Ted more time to spend with the girls as he will be able to cut down on his work hours.

I think the only reason why this idea ever popped into my mind is because I’m ready to do this. When I got married, I knew I’d be a SAHM to a certain degree but deep down, I thought it was for good. Today, I feel slightly liberated knowing that I don’t have to and it was good that Ted and I had this chat the other day and he supported my idea of going back to work. I guess he too realised that he was missing out a lot when it came to being with Arianna and only seeing her for sometimes only a few minutes before he is scrambling out the door for work.

Of course, it will be at least 1.5 – 2 yrs before anything can happen but even now, I feel a little daunted by this thought. After all, I haven’t been in a working environment for such a long time, I actually feel totally out of sync! In any case, it’s long way from now so I’ll leave it be and just enjoy Pacman while I still can. :)

It’s probabyly old new by now but if you hadn’t notice this headline, it’s about a single monther of 6 who had recently given birth to octuplets. Damn straight…that’s another 8 babies!

Needless to say, the mother, Nadya Suleman is now being judged left right and centre for what she has done. I think most people are against her choice but hey, she’s the parent and I guess it was ultimately her choice. But personally, I too have to agree that it was the wrong choice to make. From her interview, the reason why she chose to have all 8 babies was because she wanted a big family, after being deprived of having any other siblings. She was an only child and she hated being the only one.

But woman, you already have 6 kids – isn’t that enough? On top of that, you are a single mother who was once depressed, living with your parents in a 3 bedroom house [from what I gather]. How are you going to fit and feed all your children now? I highly doubt a disability pension is sufficient.

Perhaps I’m being as judgemental as the rest of the world but seriously, I really don’t think she is in the right situation to have any more kids. I don’t mean to say that one should not have more children but can one support that many? And I’m not just talking about financially which is one of the most imporant aspects coz like it or not, money makes the world go round, and everything these days cost money. Nothing is gratis. Also being a single parent, she is both mother and father to these kids. Can she really handle that responsibity?

Honestly, I am just worried about the children. I’m thinking if they will be deprived of her affection or not and grow up thinking that they hated being in such a huge family because they never really got all that much attention from mum and how hectic things must be around them. So many people, so much noise….gosh, I’d go mad!

Of course people are going to bring up the Gosselin and Dugger family but the difference is that these people are apparently quite capable in caring for their brood. Personally, if Nadya is going to support her children, she had better start thinking about writing a book and publishing it, get a website running and do whatever she can to get more income than she already is. Perhaps in the beginning people might lend a hand in kind and monetary wise but heck, it ain’t going to last forever.

But in any case, I wish her the best and hope that she will be able to provide for all her 14 children coz it wasn’t their fault that they were born into this family.

We’re 29 weeks already! Can’t believe that next appointment will be our last monthly one and then it’s fortnightly and then weekly. *lol* I don’t think I made it to my second weekly checkup with Arianna so that’s like a shock back to reality at how soon Pacman will be here! The checkup went well and Pacman is developing nicely. And on average I’m putting on about 2kgs a month which I think is a steady weight increase. Was absolutely over the moon to find out that my iron level is great and have no GD. Phew!

You know, I used to wonder if Arianna knew that a new baby was on her way. Ted always tells her that soon she will have a little baby sister to play with but being so young, I don’t think she understands. Although one can hope that she does. On my part, I haven’t really been doing anything to prepare her but I do point to my belly and say, ‘Come sayang* baby’. And she does…she comes over, lifts up my tshirt exposing my belly and puts her cheeks to my belly. That’s her way of showing affection. She’s been doing that everytime I asked her to and this morning, while I was just sitting down, she came over to me and lifted up my shirt and started poking my belly button which is a norm anyway and when I said ‘baby’, she immediately ’sayang’ my belly. I thought it was so cute! :)

So I guess to a certain degree, she does get it. I’ve been waiting to take a pix of that but it happens when I’m home alone with her and Ted’s not around so it’s kind of hard to snap which is a pity since it would be an awesome shot! :) Aida’s got a really nice one of Ava kissing her belly when she was preggy with Ben, it was so touching. :D

Ted and I were talking the other day about how we should behave after Pacman comes coz we don’t want her to feel left out. She may be less than 2 when Pacman comes but that doesn’t mean she won’t realise that she is ’sharing’ us with someone else. We will need to constantly include her in everything of course and I do hope that she doesn’t get too rough with Pacman coz she is a little ganas* with kids smaller in size than her! *lol*

I can just imagine her pulling on Pacman’s hair and poking her eyes – that’s like SO going to happen, I know. But with Mum coming over and staying a little longer, I’m sure that we will be able to cope better. An extra pair of hands is always a God-send!

*sayang = love/give cuddles?
*ganas = rough

It just occured to me how ‘lonely’ Arianna is! It’s got nothing to do with friends at all if that is what you’re thinking, it’s cousins!!

Today while chatting to a friend who told be some good news about her BIL who is expecting their first baby in June and how she is so happy that her girl finally has a cousin. Then it dawned on me that OMG….Arianna has NONE at all! I’m just glad that she will at least have a baby sister to play with.

Both Ted and I only have one other sibling and both are still single. Chances of my BIL getting married any time soon is rather slim and my sis…well, she is still searching for her Mr. Right. [If anyone got potential candidates, applications are still open! :P]

I was lucky that both my parents come from large families. Mum is one of 9 and Dad was one of 13! So any family gathering was damn fun and I have loads and loads of cousins. One only has to go through my FB to see how many cousins I have all over the palce! And it’s really fun to have so many cousins of different ages too.

One thing though, I’m quite happy that at least when we go back to Malaysia, Arianna will never be short of a playmate. :) After all, we are all apart of one really big family!

When we found out we were pregnant with Arianna, I went all out and read books and articles on various options on births. From homebirths [assisted and unassisted[, water births to natural births [with and without drugs], having doulas and midwives to assists, and of course, caesarean as well. Everything was considered and we talked about it.

From the beginning, I had always wanted to have an assisted home-water birth. I had envisioned myself sitting in my hall in a big tub of warm water with Ted’s and the midwife’s support, to bring our baby into the world. All this thanks to the positive articles, stories and YouTube videos. You can get ANY sort of video you want in there, all you need to do is search for it. I had come to the conclusion that a water birth would be the least stressful and labour management would be easier and better too. After all, warm water does help loosen everything down there and soften the skin as well hence, I wouldn’t have to worry about tearing too badly. Also, it also made me think about Arianna and not wanting her to open her eyes to a bunch of strangers man-handling her the moment she comes into the world. It would be best if her transition from womb to real world be gradual ie. from the womb to warm water, to Mummy.

But all this was not to be because Ted was not in favour. Although I was slightly disappointed that he didn’t support me in this, I was damn bloody glad!! I keep thinking about how if we really did go through with my initial birth plan, I may not be here today blogging about this. You can read about Arianna’s birth here, just to give you an idea of what happened that day.

In short, if I had had my home birth, it would have gone very bad and in the end, I would have ended up in the hospital and things would have been worst. I was very glad that we decided to have Arianna at the hospital and no number of positive home birth stories will ever make me want to have a home birth. The success rates may be good but not all of us know what will happen along the way. We can’t foresee what will happen. We always hear about the positive and successful birth stories but what about those that went wrong. People don’t talk much about it, do they? If even I do decide to have a home birth, it will not be unassisted – why be a hero and try to deliver your own baby?? Asking for trouble is what I think when mums decide to deliver their own. Perhaps they feel that it some sort of achievement but heck, if what happened to me, happened to them. It would only mean that they learnt their lesson the hard way. Lives could be lost…..no joke!

I’m not saying that people should not have home births or that home births are bad but in my personal opinion, they are not a good idea based on personal experience. After all, I had an almost perfect textbook pregnancy and I was fine throughout the pregnancy – no high blood or GD and yet, mine was a traumatic birth. No amount of books or reference could have prepared us for what happened. Until today, I don’t know what would have happened if I had insisted on a home birth.

I think this pretty much sums up what I think is best :

I would like to point out one natural aspect of a home birth that your writer missed: death. As an emergency nurse working in a city, I see countless women who arrive at the hospital–and die–after a home birth gone wrong. I fully support having a midwife-assisted birth, but it should be done in a birthing center within a hospital setting equipped to deal with emergencies. Elspeth McTavish, TORONTO

So if you happen to read this and think that I’m talking rot or what I think is stupid, so be it. Everyone has their opinion and that’s fine but just bear in mind that it’s not all about you – baby’s safe delivery and you surviving the ordeal are the most important. And if you must have a home birth, please ensure that it is an assisted one or at least have the midwife/doula on standby in the next room. Better to be safe than sorry….

If you’re wondering why this sudden rant about home births…well, yours trully got carried away checking out home birth videos on YouTube and then it occurs to me how most of the births were successful ones, what happened to those that went wrong? Hence this piece…I got another post coming up about newborn handling too. Very scary but doubt I can find that video again though….

Have you heard this song before? Call me a dumbo but incidentally, that is where this song is taken from. ;) Yup, it’s one of the songs from Dumbo, the Flying Elephant. I never really watched this cartoon because I don’t like those really sad ones which make you cry despite it having a happy ending. In fact, truth be known, I’ve never even watched Bambi! I refused to, to be quite honest.

I brought this up coz in one of the VCDs I bought for Arianna from Kulim had all these animals on and one of the songs was this one. I could never understand the words and if you double back and read it, its got 2 meanings!!

Dumbo Music by Oliver Wallace; Lyrics by Ned Washington
I saw a peanut stand, heard a rubber band,
I saw a needle that winked its eye.
But I think I will have seen everything
When I see an elephant fly.

I saw a front porch swing, heard a diamond ring,
I saw a polka-dot railroad tie.
But I think I will have seen everything
when I see an elephant fly.

I seen a clothes horse, he r’ar up and buck
And they tell me that a man made a vegetable truck
I didn’t see that, I only heard
But just to be sociable I’ll take your word

I heard a fireside chat, I saw a baseball bat
And I just laughed till I thought I’d die
But I’d be done see’n about everything
when I see an elephant fly.

Anyway, it’s definitely got a really catchy tune but the one I managed to get online is totally different but gives you an idea all the same.

Dumbo – When I see an Elephant Fly – Disney -Dumbo

What do you make of the lyrics? It really got me thinking twice – I like how if you ponder on it, it really makes no sense whatsoever but from another point of view, man…what a piece of literature work!! Aahh….the English language – what an interesting language eh? :)

Read about the story of a pregnant man? Well, he has safely delivered their baby girl, Susan Juliette [sweet little thing!] and apparently is now in his first trimester with baby #2! Well, talk about not wanting to wait for a bit. ;) On one hand, I’m glad that this is possible for him though you’d think that you’d want the body to rest a bit after the birth. After all it was a natural birth so the body has definite done some hard work but apparently everything is on track and the baby is due in June.

What I don’t get is, what’s the big deal?? The media has definitely taken this to such a height that it’s ridiculous! I mean, he’s a transgender which means that he looks all man – facial hair, no boobs and such BUT the difference is that he kept his woman bits so that he could have a child. I really don’t see what the big deal is. When I first heard about this, without reading the story that is, I thought it was a MAN, a REAL man who got pregnant and I was like, omg….where is the child going to be, how is it going to be born [I know C-sect was the option then, but I wasn't really thinking] and indeed it was a really big deal UNTIL I read that he still had all his woman bits which in turn made every sense to me. And the fact that he was born a woman really toned down the story for me. I do find it intriguing and that it was a very courageous action to take but if you want something that bad, I guess nothing is impossible. And guess Thomas Beatie proved that alright. :)

On a slightly unrelated topic, remember the Dugger family? The one who temporarily inspired me to have a large family which I am now not really considering anymore [Hah!] Well, they are expecting baby #18 in Jan 2009!!! Makes you think – WHEN ARE THEY EVER GOING TO STOP???? *lol* Guess they are living up to the term ‘breeding like rabbits’. Hehehe…ok, that was bad of me, I take that back. After all children are God’s gift and if they are able, why not right? I say good on them since they are obviously stable in every sense to have more kids. But I do wonder what sort of impact it has on the older children…will they in turn have big families too since they grew up that way or perhaps otherwise? Have a small family because the bigger the family, the harder it is to get more attention from the parents….who knows?

But I do sincerely worry abt the mother…how does her body handle so many births? She is literally pregnant all the time! I don’t think her body has got any rest between the children. Maybe just a couple of months but don’t think it has every reached a year before she’s pregnant again. Very worrying if you ask me….