2 thumbs & a dummy

I hate being caught in situations where you just don’t know what to say or do to make the other person feel better because sometimes, it’s just clearly impossible simply because there is nothing one can say or do to help heal the pain of losing a loved one. This is especially when such things happen without warning.

I am never good at funerals. Thank goodness while I was in Malaysia, all we had to do was be present and sing during the final rites mass. If we had to provide solace and comfort, I’d be running the other way! I remember clearly one incident, which is totally unrelated to funerals, where a girlfriend of mine had just broken up and she was just bawling her eyes out. Other people would have felt it normal to reach out and give her a big huge hug just so she’s feel comforted but it wasn’t something I do. It doesn’t come to me naturally. And while I still reached out to offer her a hug, it felt so alien to have my arms around this bawling girl. Not to mention she looked like a train wreck with her make-up all messed up!

Coming back to funerals, while I couldn’t handle consoling people DURING the funeral, it was a lot better after because by then, most if not everyone would have gotten out of that extremely sombre mood. And the wake would be just be groups of people standing around with a drink and something to eat after the funeral. I guess this is when distant relatives catch up and other just stand aside and wait for time to pass. I’m in that category. While I’m not that crude to talk about funeral costs or how they intend to make the tombstone, I am inclined to at least be sympathetic and offer my condolences to the grieving family. And this is when it gets tricky. We all know how tricky words can be and in sombre situations as this, you’d want to be extremely careful where and how you tread.

Question is : After you offer your condolences ie. I’m very sorry for your loss. Do you add anything else? A lot of people tend to add ie. I’m sure he’s/she’s in a better place now, Be strong, etc. While they may sound comforting….in reality, I don’t think people want to hear that. They have every right to feel sad that the one they love is no longer there. They have every right to feel weak, sad and angry because someone they love left them. And while I’m sure that the said deceased is, hopefully in a better place, who am I to assure this? So in my most humble opinion, one should just offer their condolences and keep their mouths shut. Anything along the lines of ‘At least they are not suffering anymore…’ should be well steered clear of, if you know what’s good for you. K.I.S.S – keep it short and sweet!