Perhaps I’ve had it with being a SAHM. And most likely than not, I miss working. Having been a working woman for as long as I can remember, I really miss my independance, both personally and financially.
There are many blessings being a SAHM as you watch your child grow and develop before your very eyes but I guess when I live the way of life the I have been living, it may have contributed to the way I am feeling at this moment. The feeling that I’ve lost myself along the way. I don’t blame anyone but myself for the situation that I am currently in eg. making excuses for not taking Arianna to any playgroup or meeting up with other mums. In fact, I have my excuses to tell you right now : 1. Arianna is normally asleep during those playgroup times [at the time] and 2. I don’t have my own transport to get to mothers groups to meet with other mums. In reality, I had no desire to step out of the house and while I was attending the mothers group for newborns, I really didn’t find it beneficial at all. I felt kind of left out being a foreigner and all. I was among the 2 non Aussies there and I bet the other mum [Nigerian I think] felt just as left out as well. Although they were all friendly to a certain degree, you could see that no one really wanted to continue the friendship outside the class, at least not with me despite all of us living close by. That is the whole point of having mothers group and playgroups. MIL tried to get me into a few but when your heart is not there, no amount of advice or talk is going to get you doing it.
Hence, I’ve decided that once Pacman stops breastfeeding, I will go back to work. It doesn’t need to be a permanent job but would be a bonus if it was, but most importantly, it need to be flexible enough to fit into Ted’s work schedule as we both have no desire to send our kids to daycare/childcare. That would totally defeat the purpose of me going back to work. With me back at work, either temp or casual, it would give me back some sense of independance as well as giving Ted more time to spend with the girls as he will be able to cut down on his work hours.
I think the only reason why this idea ever popped into my mind is because I’m ready to do this. When I got married, I knew I’d be a SAHM to a certain degree but deep down, I thought it was for good. Today, I feel slightly liberated knowing that I don’t have to and it was good that Ted and I had this chat the other day and he supported my idea of going back to work. I guess he too realised that he was missing out a lot when it came to being with Arianna and only seeing her for sometimes only a few minutes before he is scrambling out the door for work.
Of course, it will be at least 1.5 – 2 yrs before anything can happen but even now, I feel a little daunted by this thought. After all, I haven’t been in a working environment for such a long time, I actually feel totally out of sync! In any case, it’s long way from now so I’ll leave it be and just enjoy Pacman while I still can. 
1 response so far ↓
1 Priscilla // Mar 11, 2009 at 5:35 pm
With the subsequent arrivals of my 2 kids, I have always returned to work, part time that is. It is difficult to continue working full time, and for me I was just knackered if I work full-time with 2 kids! I must say working part-time, and spending some time with kids at home is a great combination, if you don’t mind working at all. It allows you to switch off from the kids when you are at work, you have another social circle at work, have colleagues that have young kids of which you can share experiences with, it’s not a bad thing. Also, I am rather impressed with the 50% child care rebate that all families are entitled to these days, because it helps greatly with child care expenses and makes it quite affordable these days. So if you are paying $60 a day for childcare, you will get $30 back from Centrelink, then on top of that if you are entitled to the ongoing Child Care Benefit, it makes it even more affordable. Putting our children into a childcare facility can be a great experience for them, and I always put my children into a family daycare when the environment is smaller and the carer:child ratio is better as well. Just a thought
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