Kecik & Pacman’s Playground

About a few days before our anniversary and Arianna’s 1st birthday, Ted started teasing me about being pregnant. I don’t know what got into him but he’s been at it non-stop. So I told him that although I’m off by a few days, the carnage [That's what he calls my period.] will come because I have been feeling achy and the skin around my face has been peeling a fair bit so it’s just a matter of time. Then came 12/8 and still no sign of my red flag and so I told him that although I am very sure that I am not pregnant, because it was our anniversary, let’s try a pregnancy test and who knows, we might strike jackpot and so, I took it.

Who would have thought that 3 minutes could take and feel so long?? But nup, as excited and sure as Ted was, just because he was right the first time, it was a negative. And here is where I felt, for the first time, a rush of mixed emotions just coursing through me. It was more than just an emotional roller coaster ride. I really wasn’t sure if I would be sad because I wasn’t pregnant or sad because I was. Part of me did feel a twinge of disappointment that I wasn’t pregnant but a bigger part of me felt relieved. To say that I am not ready for #2 is not completely true and to say that I am looking forward to a second pregnancy is also not true. Hence the emotional roller coaster ride.

I guess on one hand, I didn’t want him to be right again. I wanted me to be the one to tell him, ‘Hey, I’m pregnant!’ but apparently, Ted is more observant than I am about my body. *lol* He is adamant that the pregnancy kit is wrong and that he is very sure I am. So I told him that if he was so sure, to go get a new set so we can try again. He hasn’t got around to getting them for me so I’m still riding on this roller coaster, not knowing what the heck is going on.

That said, on 12/8 I did find myself feeling a little nauseous in the car on the way to MIL’s to celebrate Arianna’s official birthday. Although uncommon for me to feel sick in the car, it does happen occasionally. And I kept finding myself munching a lot more too. So I really am not sure if perhaps I am until I really go to the doctor. But for now, I’m just waiting till 9/9 and perhaps then, I’ll be sure whether or not we can be expecting another bub.

A lot has been on my mind because of the possibility of another baby on the way ie. are we ready for another baby financially, mentally, physically? And it’s these thoughts that make me not sure if we could handle another baby or not. However, these are the human aspects of the whole issue. Divinely, we both agree that if God thinks we are ready and able to take care and look after another one of His divine creation, then it will happen whether we want it or not. And ultimately, when it does happen, I will definitely accept it with open arms, after all, even a foetus knows if he/she is a wanted baby or not.