I honestly did not see myself once again writing such a post but here I am anyway. Jotting down another new journey – a surprising one. I dont need to remind myself the number of times I’ve told myself that 3 is enough and yet, here I am – 8 weeks into our fourth baby! lol
Yes, say hello to Peanut. This time around I was too shock to take a pix of the test stick – in fact, my emotions were in such a mess when we found out about Peanut. Mainly because I wasn’t ready nor prepared for another baby (coz I didnt really want another child) and a lot of other personal and family issues that was happening around us pretyy much made this news somewhat unimportant, at that time.
It was a roller coaster ride really – first test showed a negative but when my horrors didnt arrive after a month, something was definitely up and the second test was positive. I was still in denial until after the first ultrasound scan just to make sure it was not a tubal pregnancy or a non-viable one coz I really wasnt feeling pregnant, showed no symtoms of it either – although my period not turning up was the most obvious sign of course. With the 3 kids, heartburn was the main indication of my being pregnant and this time around (touchwood), nothing! So I was most iffy and of course, in denial…for a VERY LONG time. I guess seeing that tiny heartbeat on the screen when I was 7 weeks was sort of a slap on the face – a wake up call. On one hand, when doc told us the possibility of a tubal or non-viable pregnancy, I felt sick to the stomach coz it felt as if God was punishing me for ‘rejecting’ His precious gift and that was my payback, that was if it had turned out to be that. But Ted assured me that God doesnt work that way and I am thankful that Peanut is where it should be, in the right place and safe within.
So now begins our journey of getting a lot of new things particularly a new vehicle preferably one that can hold the lot of us! And a new place to live in which I am most excited about. I guess I am over living in a unit and we honestly do need more space for the kids and room for them to run about outside like a yard. A lot of changes are coming our way and I guess for now, we are taking it one step at a time.
As crazy as it sounds, I am actually looking forward to holding a tiny baby in my arms again coz the kids are no longer babies anymore! lol Although Brandon is still considered a toddler….he’s our little darling man, the absolute best! Whether we want a boy or girl is not really up to us and I dont really care one way or the other but given the choice, another boy would be nice so Brandon will have a playmate but either way, as long as we both come out of this safe and well, I cannot ask for more.
To ne honest, I can handle the pregnancy, the heartburn even the labour…..but the birth itself freaks me out. Why? Because it hurts like a *toot* and I stand by my believe, births are NOT beautiful and newborn bub right out of the womb are ugly and stinky. Yup, and thats the plain truth whether you accept it or not. Then again, that’s just me I guess.
Ps. I thought of making this post private but couldnt be bothered. I have no intention of making Peanut a spectacle on FB so I wont be announcing anything there until he/she arrives so I would appreciate if you didnt mention this on FB if you happen to read about Peanut here. Why? Let’s just say that sometimes people say the most awful things in just a few words and I dont think I want to deal with crap and judgemental people even if they think they are not. Thankyou for respecting that.